Coffee Plants and Endless Thoughts!

  Walking through the Streets and climbing down the Stairs Following the aura of the brunette hair and the slaying smile You turn around and smirk while I could do nothing but smile. Dark green print, checkered shirt and shining nose, pierced.   I knew something instantly, a calling from the depths within The magical tide that gravitated me closer to you ever so slow I completely lost myself and followed you, pursuing aimlessly. Seeking just a word and a glimpse of that voice uttered by those lips.   The market streets crumbled behind me like a paper as I passed. The crinkling sound and the distorted pictures shadowed me. The aura that lay ahead of me remained picturesque in your beauty. While the chaos behind me continued to crumble and disintegrate.   The relative effects of time breached the laws of physics and failed. I stood amongst the corroded stairs looking at you and smiling. The summer sun seeping through the clouds illumin...

  How much longer? Will the pain ever subside? I question! My absurdist mind of mine lingers aimlessly in chaos. Thus, paving thoughts of destiny and death in dance.   Words of the devil sing to the tunes of my pain within.   What am I doing? Where am I heading? I question! Aimless as my life might be, the goal is the end but nay. The direction of the least faithful and most chaotic. I am sinking within the thoughts of my own demise.   Who am I truly? What do I want in life? I question! Mirror of truth is a reflection I detest because of the truth. Purpose within and beyond the realms remain muddled. I am unclear and confused about the purpose, past and present.   What is Love? Am I unlovable forever? I question! The alien and oblivious concept of love is Greek and Latin. The far reaches of the universe ask me more questions. The answers are shrouded in mystery, and I know none.   What is Life? Does an answer exist? I...

  I stood on the Shores of the east coast of Bay of Bengal. Listening to the Artistic dance of the waves crashing. The songs of the winds dancing over the sands. The blue waters churn into a galaxy of milky white.     The indentations of history the shores dearly held. Are literally a memory in the sands of time everlasting. The dunes carved by the flow of winds and men. As the shells and crabs adored the dunes aplenty   The sun provided the much-needed warmth to comfort. The winter clouds canopied above the horizon. The blue waters painted the skies in their own image. The surface below and above teaming with life.   The ocean has always been a place of reassure for me. A sense of warm hug at the times of uncertainty. The breeze friend that I can always count on till I die. A picturesque representation of a mind, my mind.   Empty above, but teaming with life within, in the dark. Vast and lonely away from the maiden...

On December 16, 2023, a pivotal moment reshaped my life. It marked a resurgence of emotions after a prolonged absence. Acting on my friend's recommendation, I ventured to the Anna Centenary Library for a Pantomime titled "MIB A Space Comet-y." Despite Chennai's notorious traffic, I hurried into Auditorium 10 just minutes before the show, consumed by anxiety and nerves as I settled among unfamiliar faces. But before delving further, a bit of context: in September 2023, I received a diagnosis of clinical depression. It took time for me to muster the courage to discuss it openly. I underwent a grueling journey battling insecurities and forgetting the taste of happiness. I contemplated and even attempted what some might poetically term as "eternal sleep." Medication became my companion in coping with these struggles. I confined myself within the four walls of my room, finding solace there but struggling to step beyond. I was adrift in a sea of pain and confusion...

  I don’t know who I am much beyond the scars of the past Scars that define, demean, and describe my life wholly Bickering burden of constant criticism soaked my benign soul   Sewn into my bloodstream were false hopes of love and care   I yearned for validation from not the beyond but the within The mirror reflected nothing but void when I looked Everything hanging by a flimsy thread of false hope Stringing my life together with a sense of nothingness   I have no sense of being and neither some meaning A passing cloud in the eyes of the world that matters I have no choice, say or a sense of belongingness All I have is a sense of false hope leading me into darkness   My thoughts slowly drowned me from within I did not struggle nor fight to claw my way up Instead, I let myself drown as I had nothing to live for     I had nothing but false hopes and false hopes indeed   I leave behind no legacy nor the past to ...

  Dear Mikee, 17 th September 2013     “Don’t hold back when the tears trickle down, because they will eventually dry out and you will smile. Smile with a true sense of happiness. The burden of the tears you hold back will outweigh the happiness after you let it run dry.” If you have this piece of paper in your hand, I want you to run into our hostel room and lock the doors behind you and hold it onto your chest and embrace it. I hope the warmth of my words can comfort you. They say it is always darkest just before dawn and I would like to reiterate that statement for you.   It is hard when the people around you don’t treat you like a human being. It is really hard to be deprived of basic dignity and love. I know you are struggling with the tag of being a liability to the school and being the last in the class. I know you failed your math exam over and over again and had to pass because they decided to show you pity. I know you hate attending so many remed...

  The hot afternoon wind blew from east to west roaring     As I sat in the storefront in the corner street wondering The half-lit cigarette gripped between my fingers yet dangling As the smoke that engulfed my life and lungs left me wondering   The sun slowly started to vanish with a cool breeze adieu The trees wept with flowers like a pleasant spring morning And the air slowly filled with your sweet fragrant presence You stood across the street like an angel in eternal glory   I stand in admiration and surprise reminiscing the yesteryears My inner child came gushing across like a river in love Traversing through the sands of time in an ocean of happiness You were my past, denied in the present and unsure of the future   I followed you crazily through the city mazes admiring from afar The memories of our time painted the city walls with colors of joy I was far yet close to you and close yet millions of miles away After m...

  For I promise that I will leave something behind for you all   Leave you all something that means the world and the stars A memory so happy that it floods you all with tears of joy As I head into my perpetual sleep far from the realms herein     The amalgamation of what I want and what I need now The end of superficial notions governed by the laws and ordeal Etched in time will be me dawning in your memory But nothing more than a distant memory and indeed memory   I want to dream about the happiness I never sensed I want to Dream about the love I never felt wholeheartedly I want to experience the peace of the dawning sun and moon I only seek that you all don’t hold on and wave me goodbye    Keep me alive in the canyons of your memories Let me flow through your emotions and water the soul Let me plant the seeds of strength as a flickering ghost Peacefully wishing you all well in my perpetual sleep    ...

  The words of Nietzsche and Cioran echoed in the silence The Silent Night sky screaming with fear and darkness The steady sunlight was still a long time away and uninvited   As we stood in the periphery of life, the existential curse   There is no meaning to life in the age of the living There is more meaning to life once we are deceased The human tendency forgets the before and the after For there is the eternal beginning once we are deadened   For a layman it might be the end, but the gods say nay The point of redundancy of the burden that we carry Because here I am ardently seeking the eternal beginning Where there is no emotion and the materialistic fiction   I see the light when I close my eyes and the darkness flipside I smell the blooming flowers and citrus when I stop breathing And the smell of rotten flesh engulfs my lungs when I breathe This is the irony of life and the truth that we most despise     ...

A couple of days ago I lost my uncle due to a medical complication. He was 59 and absolutely did not deserve to leave this planet. He was one of the most wonderful human beings. He was the last flickering light in the salvaged history of my ill-fated family. A sibling to my mother, a friend to my father and the most supportive and positive person to anyone who ever had the privilege to cross his path. He was selfless even after death as he managed to make the lives of seven people who faced the uncertain call of death defeat it by donating his organs. He was selfless even beyond existence. I am lucky to call him my uncle.  He was perfectly alright on Sunday as he had lunch with my family and planned a mini vacation to our ancestral village in the coming months. He faced quite a bit of trouble growing up. The fall from grace of my family through history had put my uncle and his grandparents into the depths of poverty. Additionally, he had the responsibility of taking care of two s...

  Underneath the Stormy Ocean crust of white and blue Lies the depths of silence and darkness of morrow A silence so loud that it calls you out loud within The shores and the waves are no match for the silence   The winds churn the ocean crust breaking and crumbling The echoes of whales’ act as songs in the calm below The calmness inside marred and jarred by the storm Slowly sinking into the depths within gasping   The shore that I wanted to leave behind forever The thoughtless cruel shores of memories disfigured The depths beneath were my ticket to the stars The depths felt more meaningful and less painful   Light can only reach a certain point below Thoughts could only hurt so much and less The water gushing into my lungs gave me air As I gasped in the mortal realm of pain and sorrow   I climbed into the depths slowly seeking answers The water slowly climbed from beneath me The last of the visible illusion slowly perish...

There once stood a wise old Hill amid a paddy field surrounded by a village. The Hill hosted a Deity that echoed with such pious powers and knowledge. The Deity and Hill often looked over the village and exchanged dialogues of knowledge yond the comprehension of mankind. The Hill observed the hundreds of the pilgrims that took the path of hardship to pour their heart out to the Deity and wail over their lost souls. They seek faith and hope, love and care and cure for pain. The wise old Hill looked over the pilgrims as it held everyone in its palm as they walked up to the Deity. Not all pilgrims climbed up the tattered path to the Deity. It required conviction and astute conviction in search of hope sprinkled with faith.   The time had come for the pilgrims to till the soil, water the dry lands, and sow the seeds of life. The pilgrims soiled under the burning sun displacing every grain of sand to make space for the seeds of life. The land was broken and tattered. Water gushed throug...

  The notion of Purpose hangs over us as heavy baggage we carry The nay human life oblivious without the baggage they carry The People juggling between wanting to live and survive in a loop The question of life without a purpose hangs on a snapping rope The more we hang on the more it pains and letting go, questionable The people who choose to hang on May survive but never live The people who choose to live may not sadly survive unequivocally The ones who do both are often burdened with solitude aplomb The question of objectivity and realism often muddled in chaos The world poisoned with perfectionist materialism indeed inertly The cure exists in the world beyond the dimensions of truth The problem inevitably in broad daylight with no morale or joy The world we leave behind has everything that we live for and die The destination has everything that we dream about for eternity The war between optimism realism and scepticism in a prism The burning fire of rage pushi...

  We go chasing behind the destinations afar Not heeding to the beautiful journey now Mountains, Rivers, Canyons, Forests, Stars The Moon chased me as I left the sun abaft The horizons far away had me bemused Every nautical mile that we happily cruised The scattered islands peppering the ocean Adding flavour to my life and soul within. Trekking in the lush green high forest pines Dangling on a camel’s back in desert canvas Flying yond the floating marshmallow above Letting the rain drops kiss on a highway The journey of a million miles as it's said Is an opportunity for million memories anew For we often forget the journey within Which is important as the journey outward The destination often gives us a purpose But it's the Journey that gives it a meaning Mountains, Rivers, Canyons, Forests, Stars A bottle of whiskey and a box of cigars.  

  The month of December was on the horizon Memories unfurled of yesteryears aplenty The candle wick flickered slowly radiating The winds outside howled like a wolf raging The trees danced, wailed and broke down The Air smelt of the fresh grounds beneath There was darkness cast upon the city walls The lakes and rivers overflowed with fear The boats remained anchored yearning The waves crashed ashore with arrogance Sense of Melancholic depravity spreads The candle wax slowly melted the darkness The sea sends a monster every year on cue Swirling and Twirling and churning it's way A whirlpool in the sky so mighty and high Yet the sea wanted to trespass the lands The cold sent shivers muddled with fear We endure this year after year with fear It takes lives and livelihoods aplenty at time But gives us the strength and determination

Simplicity is not simple act of being content  Simplicity is a chaos within its wings of war  Simplicity is a mystery woven into our souls  Simplicity is a plethora of scarce thoughts Simplicity is the magic spell of dark chaos  Simplicity is the eye of the Hurricane  Simplicity is the prologue of the waves  Simplicity is the sunrise sunset and beaches  Simplicity is the candle wick in a funeral  Simplicity is a satiating feeling after hunger  Simplicity is the first drop of rain in drought  Simplicity is the shade of autumn and hout  Simplicity is the feeling after your first kiss  Simplicity is the feeling after you let go  Simplicity is a method within madness  Simplicity is the drop of tear and sadness Simplicity is never a notion of being simple  Simplicity is never a act of kindness  Simplicity is a chaos within its wings of war  Simplicity is a plethora of scarce thoughts