Coffee Plants and Endless Thoughts!

In my Monotonous, Meticulous, Miserable and Mad life, you were a ray of Hope. Like a candle that melted into darkness, I was slowly being stripped out of all the joy in my life. The heat of the flame caused a caustic reaction to the wax that burned outside. I was melting way into oblivion of gloomy uncertainty. My portly mind waned into madness. I was nearing the apocalypse as every last shred of Hope got slowly stripped away. In the midst of all the turmoil, you were the first ray of the morning sun, the heat of the spring after winter, the first drops of rain after a long summer and the first bloom after the brown autumn. You were my Hope! Your light shined upon me with all its glory. The birds in my life adorned the skies again. The trees in my life coloured the grounds green and the white sad snow melted away into a bed of lush green grasses. The succulent scent of the flowers sprinkled the ground with winged butterflies. I was happy and pious as your rays of Hope touched my wo...

I travelled with my brother to the lands afar To the Fair Grounds with the Lights below the stars Of all the merrier things that the fair had to offer But my mind wandered towards the Ferris Wheel It was high and might glimmering in light As the individual seats with cages rotated on spokes I crawled through the crowd and stood in the line Waiting for my chance at the Ferris Wheel People got in the cages as people got out Waiting to reach the top midst the clouds The spokes held the cages together with hope As the cages went up and down one by one I stood mesmerized by the beauty of the wheel The people that went up always came down A journey that started near the pits in somber And slowly climb their way into the clouds That’s what life is I thought to myself The ups and downs with hope within A weapon as mighty as reality and life The Ferris Wheel touched the ground and the sky

I stood at the periphery of the world I Stare across the world in front me The vast oceans and mountain ranges Echoed in silence with my cold breath I miss your warm breath against me I searched for the meaning my life The meaning that thinned out as you drifted The meaning that gave me happiness I spread my wings soaring across the vast sky Hunting for you in every corner A bounty for my heart and soul A meaning to my empty life nonetheless Your presence obliterates me into millions Your presence brings me joy Your presence makes me feel the joy of abundance Your presence makes me content Oh, my dear you are my meaning My missing puzzle The light in darkness Oh, my dear you are my meaning

  I wandered through the cold oblivion of darkness Searching for the Light that ought to give me life I was not deterred by the pain and sorrow As I floated aimlessly as an unlovable mess   I was scalped with pain and horror, living in inertness A monstrosity that bore the signs of despair and sorrow   Un-living amongst the dead and the haunted souls A being unworthy of love, happiness and content   The world was nothing but a shadow in the dark An influx of toxic and hazardous overflow of pain A miserable yet oblivious reality that I failed to believe   Or believe that it might one day change   I searched for the light in spite of the dangerous wars The wars that waged within and outside my mind The wars that splintered and split my soul A non-existent figment of my selfish mind nonetheless   Oh, my wandering soul help me escape this darkness Help me see the light at the end of the tunnel Bring an end to thi...

  I’ll be damned If I ever understood who you are, A figment of the materialistic world or a fictional notion You are a perception of reality that makes people ponder afar We are bound by you in commotion and devotion   My Day starts and ends with you by my side Shadowing me with death walking side by side My understanding is merely a fallacy that I abide But on most occasion the opinions that you divide   You owe the world no explanation or remorse Governed by the laws of the cosmos you bend your ways For the people you meet have no choice but your curse As you slowly run down the living days   You are a Mystery and a Myth beyond compare Letting us travel in a path with no direction Forward without a choice in this humble Sphere In a realm of Inception and Deception       Oh, dear Time You are a Bastard Slowly devouring us and leaving us astray Splaying us in the wreckage of the infinitum Like a never-endi...

Who are you in the vast expanse of this Cosmos? A Journeyman through the canyons of time As the petals of flower wither through time, We leave behind nothing but memories However obnoxious we are, we don’t last For the test of time is a grandeur beyond compare For History is merely a speculative Mystery And your existence is nothing but a Misery What we are made of is a decomposing flesh What’s left is brittle bones You may call it a Legacy but it’s merely a memory A Memory that won’t stand the test of Cosmos The trickery and witchcraft of your existence will wane And what is left behind is just dust and plain For during your existence, the sky remains the same A blink of the cosmic eye Who you are in the vast expanse of this Cosmos? A nugatory source of carbon An insignificant actor in the movie An inconsequential speculative mystery for the future

Take me back to the beginning of time, Take me back to when things did not rhyme . The Uncertainty looming largely above, The Theory of Life extrapolates over and over. The battles we fight every day, The losses that drain us of joy. The losses that contemplate existence and pray, The battles within every soul with no ploy. The endless journey with no meaning, They travel as sailors on a stormy night ahoy The search for meaning is not immaculate The search for meaning is not Articulate The search for meaning begins at birth The ignorance before that blinds us The search for meaning ends at death The ignorance after that defines us The Theory of Life extrapolates over and over, The journey with no meaning and no sign The Journey that’s often misconstrued The Subtle, Bold and Subdued

As I write this with a sense of angst and contrast, my Dad is sleeping in the other room. I am writing about a journey that was not all joyous. As the clock moved slowly through time, I wondered about the consequences of my action, but I wanted to pour my heart out and leave no stones unturned. I was born when my Dad was 40 years old. Maybe that is where the problems started. He was not there during the entirety of my childhood as he was working hard to ensure that there was food on the table. He stayed away from my mother and me until I was four. My mother told me the story of the first time I met my Dad. I waited for him at the airport along with my mother and uncle. My mother showed me pictures of my Dad to ensure we got along correctly. Finally, the flight landed on time, and my Dad came out of the airport. He stood on the other side of the rail and faced me. I stared at him and him at me. He saw me for the first time and just stood there and looked at me. Finally, my mum asked, ...

The sun slowly rose across the horizon. I stood on the beach, swooning over the cold winter air as it crashed against my face. It was still dark as the orange hue slowly and steadily prodded through the morning sky. It had become a habit for me to come and observe the sunrise in the morning. The waves sang a tune of sorrow to complement the way I felt. I sat down in the cold sand, a few feet away from the waters and asked myself, Why Me? I felt the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. Unable to hold on to the flimsy little things in life. A burden of sorrow and the pain without joy hassled and harried my mind constantly. I could not do the simple things in life without a speck of grief and pain. I did not ask for a castle made of chocolates or a crown made of diamonds. I asked for a spark of joy and happiness before I lay down in bed to rest. I asked for a moment of peace before the sunset and dusk. Was it my frivolous past which I know nothing about, or is it me in the mome...

  I gazed over the plains from atop the hill Comets graced my presence as I stood still The cold air fiddled with my hair I knew that you were somewhere out there The trees cast their shadows engulfing me As the moon soberly wept tears of light I had faith, hope and love but couldn't fathom But not being next to you made me Numb I knew that I had lost you to the vast void Cause it left me with nothing but devoid Faith lost to the wild stormy sailing oceans Hope and love started making no sense Oh I wish I could it take it all back in a flash Just to hear your voice and see you in flesh But I know these are darker days indeed As I lay rest and open wounds they bleed My soul craves for you so show me a way My heart lay hurt keeping me away from you Mind is a prisoner to all the pain stored away But I ignored everything for what I did to you

  I gave you everything you wanted I gave you everything that I had Fought my way through life's many doors But you always and always wanted more All my trillion cells persistently vowed To give you a life full of joy among the cloud I stood by the scorching heat every hour But you always and always wanted more There might be a day the world stands still Halting and churning to a complete stop I might become a memory and nothing more But you always and always wanted more Was it you or was it me that was to blame Did I give you less or did I give you enough Or did I do everything I can possibly do But you always and always wanted more

  You left me wandering and lost during dusk Darkness filled me and I could see nothing I thought I lost you forever as you sank The oceans swallowed you and filled red hue Was it goodbye forever or just a mystery I lived deluded and saddened thinking I stayed up and waited for you hoping As my body drifted to sleep and dreams lived I woke up the next day hoping to see you The sky was still dark and my hopes broken I rushed to ocean that swallowed you I cried and shouted and pleaded and wailed An orange hue started filling up the sky The water started to look more blue The world started filling up with color And I finally saw you peeking out the horizon I knew it was you as you radiated light I knew it was you as you radiated warmth My life started filling with joy as I saw you Because my dear Sun you rise again

  I have made much merrier memories many Etched through the sands of time forever Days that were happy sunny and funny As they hang on my wall of pretty Polaroids Every time as I look at them and wonder little Memories come rushing gushing with tattle Days that are incomprehensible yet joyous As they hang on my wall of pretty Polaroids Pictures of you and pictures of me sway over As the beautiful lights they hang on sparkles Oh you beautiful soul I miss you when I see it As they hang on my wall of pretty Polaroids Hundreds of smiles adorn my wall with glee All the sad thoughts and sob stories flee As I recollect and reconnect with the photos As they hang on my wall of pretty Polaroids Photographs I have in abundance to adore But this is not the end of the beautiful decor Photographs I want to add to my memories As they hang on my wall of pretty Polaroids

  My mind raced uncontrollably as I blushed My stomach churned out butterflies aplenty My thoughts turned static blank and flushed Because it was wonderful feeling happiness Goosebumps adored my skin tip to toe I was ready to kiss even my worst ever foe Flowers poured out of the sky as showers Because it was wonderful feeling happiness I saw colors in every little intricacies around Filling the heart with tears of joy abound It was like falling in love with myself for once Because it was wonderful feeling happiness The sun blazed down on me in all its glory The rain lashed down on me in all its glory But I was neither sweating nor soaking wet Because it was wonderful feeling happiness Autumns felt like spring blooming freshly Winters felt like a glorious Spanish summer As the seasons made absolutely no sense Because it was wonderful feeling happiness

  I was twenty one and lost in thoughts Climbed the roof of the tallest building And peaked into the heavens as they lay wait Scared and scarred I ran back into the forest I sowed sorrow and grew canopies so sad They covered the light and bathed me in dark The tall trees and thorns adorned me As I ran till my lungs burst and barks broke They sang the song of fear and I burrowed Deep I went into the cusps of hellish lands Exhausted and tired I was wandering lonely The heavens watched in uncertainty Tears fell into the hot sand and turned steam My heart felt heavy with guilt and sorrow I reaped what I sowed and regret it My fear and disappointment sank me As moments passed I grew weaker and lost Struggling for air and sinking in my own way The Heavens slowly left and closed the door I turned cold slowly and darkness prevailed

  You live thousands of Miles away from me Far away from the reaches of my hand I want to hold you close and never leave I want to feel your warm breath on my face You were nothing more than a stranger A passerby cloud in my atmosphere Until you uttered your first words to me Which hit me like a ray of warm sunshine I became a sunflower that yearned for you I lost myself wondering if you can be mine Every word you uttered were rays of light That spring my spectrum of life into colors Every day I wonder if all of this would end So I can run up to the hills and hold you Watch your gleeful smile with them dimple Look into your eyes and tell you I love you I don't want to take you to Copenhagen I don't want to take you up the Eiffel tower I just want to take you to the modest beach And kiss you when we hold hands 

The word happiness can be interpreted in various ways. It is not merely a feeling but an interbeing. We often confuse happiness with its shrouded self-immolating deception. I will not lie that I have never fallen for its deception, but something wants me to keep going. My definition of happiness is different, and this is my pursuit of happiness. My happiness is Love. It is the most generic statement that I can make, but I stand by my words. I was born into a family where I did not belong to a particular generation. There was a huge generation gap between my parents and me. All of my cousins were way older than me. My niece and I were born one month apart. I was lonely and alone; my best friend was Winnie the Pooh. I could not establish a proper relationship dynamic with anyone. I was a chubby, socially awkward, insecure boy who had difficulty interacting with people. When we are at the bottom, there is always someone who will reach out to us and give us a helping hand. That is when...