Chapter 1

The improbable convergence of "identity," and "life" in a single sentence seems almost surreal. Yet, against all odds, it happens. This past year has been a tumultuous journey, to put it mildly. I've battled demons from my past, grappling with thoughts that threatened to derail my career and obscure my sense of self. It was an ongoing struggle against my own mind, a battle where I often felt lost and adrift.

I wrestled with shame and internal conflict, facing skepticism and even disgust from my own family. To provide context, I've decided to abandon discretion and speak my truth, both to myself and those around me. While I'm proud of the battles I've fought, today I find myself here—dejected, disappointed, yet somehow still grasping at shards of happiness, whispering to myself, "I'm proud, and it will be okay."

In August 2023, I received a diagnosis of clinical depression. For two months, I denied that anything was wrong, struggling to function, sleep, or find solace. I turned to substances in a desperate attempt to numb the pain, watching my health deteriorate as I spiraled deeper into despair. Finally, I sought therapy and began psychotropic medication, making the difficult choice to step away from my career.

Growing up, I was a dreamer, surrounded by high expectations and self-imposed pressures. Yet, I've come to realize the harsh reality. This past year shattered my perception of life, pushing me into an eating disorder where starvation alternated with guilt-driven binges and self-harm.

In September, shortly after my birthday, I made a decision that changed everything—a decision both foolish and transformative. I attempted to end my own life, overwhelmed by pain and feeling utterly lost in the vastness of existence. But even in my darkest moment, I failed. And now, I'm here to share my story—a tale of despair, of giving up, but also a story of new beginnings.

To be Continued...