The Pursuit of My Happiness

The word happiness can be interpreted in various ways. It is not merely a feeling but an interbeing. We often confuse happiness with its shrouded self-immolating deception. I will not lie that I have never fallen for its deception, but something wants me to keep going. My definition of happiness is different, and this is my pursuit of happiness.

My happiness is Love. It is the most generic statement that I can make, but I stand by my words. I was born into a family where I did not belong to a particular generation. There was a huge generation gap between my parents and me. All of my cousins were way older than me. My niece and I were born one month apart. I was lonely and alone; my best friend was Winnie the Pooh. I could not establish a proper relationship dynamic with anyone. I was a chubby, socially awkward, insecure boy who had difficulty interacting with people.

When we are at the bottom, there is always someone who will reach out to us and give us a helping hand. That is when I met my first ever friend. A bond that was unshackled and innocent. A bond that I cherish until this day. We shared a common interest in Cheese Balls, Biriyani and Drama. She was my first friend and one of my most beloved. But good things don’t last long. Fast forward to this day, and she does not remember me.

My subsequent pursuit of happiness took me a long way away from home. I was separated from my family for academic reasons. I stayed in a residential school away from my family, craving their Love and affection. The social stigma continued as I struggled to make friends. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel. I met two of the most beautiful people. In the tall order of people, I would put them on top of the pedestal. We had our differences, but they were always there for me, and I could always lean on them. Remember the deception I mentioned? It caught up with me! I really felt affection and endless Love towards someone. I thought it was being reciprocated, but I was wrong. It was a harsh lesson but a lesson nonetheless. After all, to err is human.

My need for Love was like the flower that needed the rain. There was a void in my life, and it pained. My pursuit of happiness lasted longer than I could imagine. I kept going from place to place. I was put in uncomfortable situations. So there was a need to build the dynamics over and over again. This time I was 17 years wiser and slightly more experienced. Nevertheless, my quest for finding happiness continued.

I was at a crossroads. My life was at a point where I was coerced and forced into making a lot of decision that was not particularly satisfactory. I did things that I was not proud of. I succumbed to peer pressure and made a few terrible mistakes. I did not take care of myself and paid the price. I was struggling on all fronts, and it was difficult.

She offered to help me, and I thought I had found someone who would be there with me forever, showing me the Love I have craved all the while. Little did I know that it was another act of deception. My mind was going insane. My thoughts ravaged me with insecurities and dilemmas.

Two further episodes took place later down the line. After that, I had given up hope and lost faith in finding happiness, the happiness called Love. I questioned if I was worthy of feeling loved. I wanted to give something I always wanted, but not everyone wanted it. There is prejudice to love.

When I was lost in this mayhem, I stumbled upon her. The girl of my dreams and reality. Someone I admired wholeheartedly. My dreams were sculpted to perfection. An angel far beyond the reaches of the universe. I had to go to the other side of the world to find her. She was chaos and madness. She was an embodiment of all the things I could ask for. My princess and puzzle. My missing piece. I could find a hundred and one reasons to admire her and like her. A crystal beauty forged by the universe.

She has a voice of an angel. Quirky and cute. A coffee plant and sapphire stone wedded to each other. A lover of dogs and mother earth. She makes me want to be a better person. She is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is someone I want to hold hands with and travel to mysterious places. She is the compass and the shining star. She is the crashing milky waves of the vast soothing ocean. The sunset and sunrise. The dusk and dawn. She is my happiness. She is my Love.

I have the slightest hope and the smallest amount of faith that my run of bad luck has ended. I have faith and belief in myself, and she made me understand something twenty-five years could not. She was my angel in blue and black. A strawberry storm.